In nearly all languages there is some sort of saying to the effect of "Nobody likes a gossip".

Although there is nothing wrong with talking about other people, it is how we talk about them that really matters. It is so easy to fall into a pattern of unconscious criticism when describing the actions of others, especially when they are not there. Here is a beautiful little story to illustrate the power and importance of how we talk about other people.

A Socratic Story

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said,

"Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"

"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it and..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

Do you remember that saying, "If you don't have something nice to say about someone, then don't say it"? What comes out of your mouth can have an amazing effect on how you are feeling. If you don't believe that this is true, try this fun little exercise it only takes a couple of minutes:-

Step 1 - Stand up, point at your computer, and say "I hate you, I hate you I hate you" ten times loudly and with real feeling behind it.

How are you feeling now?

You are probably begriming to experience some anger and frustration. Are you ready to pick up the monitor and hurl it across the room?

Step 2 - Take a deep breath look at your computer again and say ten times "You are so wonderful, I love you". Really mean it, put some emotion behind it.

How are you feeling now? Much better aren't you?

Step 3 - Now Imagine someone is complaining passionately to you about how they really dislike a certain person, how bad they are how mean and horrible, all the things they have heard from other people about this person and on and on. Really imagine it. Do you feel uplifted and inspired by this imaginary conversation? More likely you feel a bit drained!

Step 4 - Now imagine someone is talking to you about how wonderful another person is. They are telling you about all the kind things that they have done for them, and all of the special things that they have heard that this person has done for many other people. Close your eyes and really imagine this conversation. How are you feeling now? Uplifted? Inspired? Grateful that there are still some generous and kind hearted people out there?

Isn't it interesting? Words really do have an amazing effect on our emotions and how we are feeling. Not just what comes out of our mouths, but also what we listen to. So next time you are talking to someone, use the triple filter test

Give it a try, and you will be amazed at the difference it makes in how you feel and how you communicate!

May your life be filled with many blessings